I just lost hope on a girl

i have met a girl thru wechat , we have actually meet up , but she is like avoid me ,
although she talk to me a  little bit , and she wave to me hi and bye.

then knew she got boyfriend already ,

when i add her she approve , that time she say she is now single and she has gotten very hurt before

is fast she found someone she likes.

i keep chat with her and i feel jealous quite times ,

i put a high hope on her ,

i keep ask her does she like me , she keep say dont know ,

i want answer , up to a point i just want a direct answer ,

i dont want to further hope ,

she just keep refuse to say out ,

i told her if u dont say i will continue to chase u and not giving up ,

but she say dont force her,

last 2 days i say i feel she barely want to answer , barely want to entertain reply to me , show just answer my questions , i say i feel ur heart doesnt have me , i feel u dont like me ,
next day she doesnt reply me for full day ,


i put it as if she doesnt reply me , thats over , that means i have to start a hi or conversation then only she reply me ,

but after 1 full day , she reply on following day , she took handphone to school and she give  a message to me ask me how is it?

i think that finally she care about me , she really notice me,

today i finally ask her , does she like me , she again say dont know ,

i ask is it u treat me like just a normal friend and she say yes.

i finally got the answer , i though give up and i didnt delete / remove her because she really give me meet up with her ,

finally i post moment that i feel very sad , disappointed and angry

i saw her moment that , she say dont force me can !!!! dont force her she said ,

again she post another status that , if u keep force me i will leave my house and left ,

in my mind is i want answer and done ,

but i actually make her feel giving her pressure , 

i really really put a high hope on her , but in the end what i make her feel very pressure ,

i dont know if she say dont know means she dowan hurt me , treat me as 2nd option or what ,

i at a moment just want an answer and i just give up ,

I feel like slam my head on wall , i feel dizzy and feel want vomit ,

i also feel want suicide ,

i want cry retardedly , this is the closest thing to know a girl to me, we meet ,talk alittle and wave hi and bye ,

i feel like a little boy now , i feel want hide and close my head with blanket or something ............

i feel so scared , i feel scared to meet up with her ,

i feel so scared now , i feel so embarrassed ,

i feel like crying , i dont know what to do , i live for 26 years and i think i will back to an empty place ,
i thinking of dont know what to do with my life now , i dont know i want do what , i will be back to an empty and alone place , i will be back to a place where nobody no friend , no person to cry and talk to , back to my single and lonely and nothing place.

she post status that she is serious and dont force her , got people reply her ,

i feel scared , i feel scared like someone gonna know me and feel like someone will laugh and or beat me,

she still got boyfriend to rely to ,

i these day find job at jobstreet , find factory job like i used to work , just want got money to dating with her ,
keep thinking of want bring her dating one-to-one , watching movie ,

i plan to hire person to watchi over my pets , although i worry people will screw up my pets ,

i thinking of want have money can buy smartphone for her ,

and quit my shitty business ,

i put a high hope ,

now i am dropping down like from skyhigh ,

i dono what to do now , i am so scared , i feel cold and embarrassed , i just dont want go to the place we meet it is just dead embarrassing ,

i dono what to do with my business too , i just lost hope on everything , from excited , happy and confident guy when we meet and have a high hope ,

now i lose everything , suddenly i lost even my business i also blank i have nothing no mood to do ,

i will be single and i feel like i put in a place where i alone like i m at smk perai form1 last day got bullied and no teacher and nothing no person no friend help me , i feel helpless and scared now , i really want cry , i back to square one .